another chapter in my reality

My dad had a heart attack on Wednesday as he was waiting to see a doctor in ER of a Michigan hospital.  I suppose if you are going to have a heart attack, having one while in the ER is the best place to have it.  The doctor jumped up on the bed he was lying in and started pounding on his chest and they brought out the paddles to shock him back to life.  It worked.  

Today, Friday, I started to deal with this chapter of my reality.  I had a unique set of highs and lows and my attitude and outbursts reflected it.  As I stop near the end of the day and reflect on my state of being, I realize that my frustration with my family is not the source of my frustration but they seem to get the brunt end it.  I've been disappointed with people this past year and my family seems to be my punching bag to let out this pent up anxiety that lives within.  Tragedy brings out the unusual in all of us.  I apologized to my family -- they forgave me.  

Tomorrow is a new day filled with opportunity and wonder.  I pray my attitude and outbursts reflect that.  

blow up the drawing board...

It's been weeks since my last blog confession. Forgive me for my tardiness.

Three events to report:

1) Church "A" called and let me know that the search committee voted to dissolve and end the search without a decision. They felt they were unable to decide/conclude the objective/goal and thus determined it was time to end their labor. I was the last remaining candidate and had been in conversation with them for over a year and their decision is unsettling. They did place the future of the this job in the hands of the senior pastor to determine the course of this newly created position but I have not yet heard from him and its been over three weeks. No call, no email, no nothing. It broke my heart -- again.

2) I went to an incredible conference on recovering the art of preaching with Rob Bell, Peter Rollins, and Shane Hipps. It was an incredible three days to be with friends, hear from some fascinating perspectives and to be reminded why I want to do what I feel called to do: preach/teach. At the end of the final session Rob was leading us to the Table for communion when he informed us that one of the attendees had just received a phone call from his elders that he was being fired for attending the conference. It broke my heart -- again.

3) Yesterday I spent a productive and healthy hour with a theological consultant for a search committee for a church, church "B," in the Denver area. I found out that out of 400 applicants I had reached the final two (however, there were four late applicants that were being considered). The hour was spent discussing theological nuances and perspectives that had risen out of three months of conversation. This church is a "community" church not tethered to a denomination or confession but still was particular on non-essential issues. I was hopeful that their notion of "community" was wide enough for the width and depth of orthodoxy and that "the community" would be welcomed - just as they are. However, later that night, I received an email informing me that I would no longer be considered because of a sympathy I had towards a non-essential issue, that was very much a part of historical orthodox tradition, that they could not affirm. It broke my heart -- again, again, and again.

One might say it's time to go back to the drawing board. I say blow up the drawing board. This is now five church communities that I have had serious discussions with -- all coming up short. I am the constant variable in this and thus I need to consider the reality.

I am not sure what is next but I hope my heart survives...